I’m back, blame the delay on football!

I know its been awhile but I’m back. This is my favorite time of the year, the fall. I love the cool weather, the fact that football season is in the house and in full effect and it’s my birthday, November 27.  Yes I said football season. I arrange everything around the college and pro games.

In other words if you are getting married and want me to attend at least the reception ( I am not big on the ceremony I tend to get nauseous as 2 people stand there and lie to each other in front of God and everyone) check the football schedule. Just an FYI I am usually free on Saturday mornings and after 10 pm on Saturday nights. I am not free Sunday all day, Monday or Thursday nights. Don’t go all Michael Jackson sensitive on me either I just love watching the fine mens in tight pants…Larry Fitzgerald, Cam Newton, Clay Matthews, JJ Watt, Matt Forte…you get the picture!

I do very little housecleaning during football season as that can interfere with witnessing a Hail Mary or 99 yard kick return. I schedule a very thorough cleaning the Monday after Super Bowl along with a trip to Specs to replenish my wine chiller to help battle the end of football depression that tends to affect me.

I get the NFL Sunday ticket and on occasion my home becomes the place to be for A) men who are only allowed to watch one game on Sunday B) men who were supposed to do something around the house on the weekend but they didn’t so they must hide C) women who like football D) men who’s wives send them to my house to watch the games so that they don’t have to sneak stuff into the house after too much shopping E) men who can’t cook, significant other can’t cook or anyone just looking for a good meal or F) people who just like to come over and have a fabulous time. However there are some rules:

1. No one admitted if you don’t understand the game
2. No children under 16..they might learn new words
3. BYOwhatever you drink even if it’s water
4. We are a raucous crowd so if you are easily offended please stay home
5. If you wear anything other than a Cowboys jersey/shirt it may be used as a towel
6. If I am providing an alibi as to where you are or aren’t, keeping your man here while you shop, etc..there is a small fee to be paid up front. CASH and gift cards are accepted!
7. The door closes and locks after the night game, you ain’t gotta go home but you gotta get the HELL outta here!

That’s al the talk around the dinner table it’s time to make the football picks for the week….till next time!

So you worked in a prison (pt. 2)

The conversation around the Denner table again has gone back to working in a prison. People tend to think prisons are like the Orange is the New Black or Oz…when in reality it is more like American Me or Shawshank Redemption. It is not a fun place but back in the day when men were men and sheep were scared we made prison work fun, we had to or we would go crazy. We saw lots of things people would never understand, fights, stabbings, murders, what have you. We didn’t have trauma teams or a psych available to talk to us afterward we were expected to go back to work because what we witnessed was part of the job. You would disinfect the area, send inmates in to clean up the blood and other stuff and it was back to business. We would talk about what we saw among ourselves and say stuff like,” damn he beat the living shit out of him” or “did you see the size of the shank”, but we didn’t think about being too scared to go back to work the next day. We knew the inmates weren’t after us.

We didn’t get breaks too often back in the day so when the commissary opened up we would make the best spread, or in free world talk, a picnic. You haven’t lived till you have had a tortilla filled with canned roast beef and squeeze cheese, or Vienna (or as one of East Texas co-workers would say, “ vi-eena”) sausages on crackers with Louisiana hot sauce poured on top of them. There ain’t nothing like Ramen noodles mixed with Jack mack and fritos and to this day I can’t look at pack of Ramen noodles much less eat them. When 99, that was the inmate that brought the diet cart down to the lines, we would take turns making ourselves a try then eating in the closet, bottom line was we were working our butts off so we were going to eat.
We learned to laugh at ourselves, each other and we created a bond with our co-workers than many to this day don’t understand, we truly knew what it was like to have each other’s backs. If an inmate spit, hit or threw something on one officer it was like he threw it on all of us and we had to handle up. The interesting part is that even after all these years, 1985 to this day many of us are still in close contact with each other, checking in, laughing about old times. Memories like gassing K-line during Super Bowl Sunday in 1994 and we are all up there in shorts and flip flops pulling inmates out of the day room, walking out my front door and smelling gas early in the morning coming from the seg rec yards, or watching officer Elicious Scott working the radio picket with his rifle trained on Keith Castle who climbed out of the rec yard and was on top of the building walking around, watching the SORT team come in to “safely” remove offenders from their cells when they refused to come out, sitting in turnout knowing since nothing happened on the prior shift it was going to happen on yours or watching Major Pimp Skinny standing in the middle of the hallway with his arms crossed, watching the hoe squads turn out. You were usually glad if you got A line because the TS ran that line like clockwork and didn’t allow for too much foolishness. You went to one particular inmate let him know what you needed done and he took care of it.

Would I have ever worked a female unit? No, no way not at all. I can cuss a man out tell him to get moving and he would eventually do it. It took a lot for a male to hit a female back then. But a female is not going to let another female tell her anything without getting an attitude. I don’t mind fighting but I am not fighting every day and that is what would’ve happened with me if I had been in Gatesville. And I’m not for all that scratching, biting and hair pulling, I’m going to fight like a dude. Women cannot live together it is just way too much hormones and PMS for me to deal with, I know my limits.

When we start talking about the good ol days time just get away from us…till the next time we meet again around the Denner table.

So you worked in a prison? (pt 1)

Once people find out I worked for the Texas prison system at one time I brace myself for the barrage of questions.  I have to laugh at times because I realize that the general public has no real idea what prisons are like and base most of their assumptions or ideas off of prison movies or what they read in a book usually written by a person who has interviewed people in prison or driven past one by accident or on purpose. Come to think about it they might have driven into the parking lot and sat for a moment or two so they could actually write that yes they “visited” a prison.

So what do I get asked? Question #1..Did I ever get beaten up by inmates? No. I had few that probably wanted to whoop my behind for particular reasons but no never got beaten up. Question #2..Did I ever beat up any inmates? If it ain’t on video..enough said.  Question #3..You actually ate the food there? Have you ever had to stand on the side of the road in the middle of the country where it is so dark you can’t see a foot in front of you, you haven’t eaten and you’re starving all behind some damn fool inmates who decided they needed to escape? I heard you say NO! When the van comes by bringing you a paper bag (a Johnny in prison slang) with bologna, an apple with a worm and some peanuts thrown in for good measure you tore into it like it was a ribeye steak sandwich fresh off the pit. We actually ate pretty good in the ODR of the Officer’s Dining Room, especially on fried chicken day or when they would drain the pond and fry up whole fish. My response back to people is you eat at McDonalds or even 5 star restaurants do you know what you’re getting?

Question #4…Did the inmates cuss you out all the time? Well of course they did, these guys weren’t doing time for singing too loud in church. Most of the time all you could was laugh, if you didn’t start off with thick skin you grew it real quick. I have been cussed out by the best, the worst and I learned a lot of new words and descriptive adjectives. Question # 5..What was the craziest thing you ever saw? Two things and I must give the Reader’s Digest condensed versions due to lack of space. The first one was while working at the Ellis 2 unit we had a psych inmate that craved attention, so he would break the handle off the plastic spoon and insert it into his, hmm his hummm..his wing wang. We would have to drive him to the Walls unit so the Dr could take it out. The Dr told him (after the 4^th time) that he was not going to use a local anesthesia to take it out the next time it happened.  The inmate did it again and I, doing my duty reminded the Dr about what he said prior concerning no anesthesia. Let’s just say the inmate did not try that trick again. The second craziest thing I saw was at the Darrington unit one summer. My co-worker and I were sitting in our office across the street from one of the recreation yards and noticed a huge group of inmates gathering. We head over thinking it is something gang related or some other type of incident about to happen. Turns out all the punks on the unit had decided to hold a beauty pageant, so they had put make-up on, thanks to all the magazines with color in them, and fashioned bikinis out of their boxers and t-shirts.  All I can say is the majority of them made some ugly women and there were no future fashion designers in the group!

Oh my goodness look at the time..these dishes won’t wash themselves nor will the clothes jump into the dryer on command. Till next time around the Denner table.

Music Memories from the good ol days!!

One of my favorite reasons that I look forward to Fridays is I get to listen to KTSU 90.9’s oldies. I know you all are shocked that I didn’t say Happy Hour but I can do that any day of the week. Isn’t it crazy how one song can bring back memories of a long time ago?

Whenever I hear the song, Cutie Pie, I think back to my freshman year of college at Angelo State University and one of my bffs, Suzanne Askey and I running the streets of Big Lake, Texas. Everyone else at the school seemed to go home on weekends and for me to do so was an 8 hour ride, so her family adopted me as their own and gave me a home away from home. Ladies Night by Kool and the Gang reminds me of the ladies night at Danceland in San Angelo and the guys standing in line to get in because only ladies were allowed in till 8pm.  Joan Jett singing I Love Rock n Roll takes me back to Suzanne and I taking her momma’s Olds 98 to Dallas…without permission..and that’s all I will say because I think the cops are still looking for us.

Listening to Prince during his Purple Rain years reminds me of how I was a tender young thing at Sam Houston State University. I think we went to watch that movie 80 times and I am not exaggerating either. I pledged Omega Pearl, little sister to Omega Psi Phi fraternity, so whenever I hear George Clinton start with that,” Bow Wow Wow Yippie Yo Yippee Yea, Atomic Dog” I can’t help but laugh to myself with the visual images of the Big Brothers stepping around the room or the Greek Step shows and all the excitement they held.  Whitney Houston singing,” Given all my Love to you” brings up memories of Laura Tebo, Vicki Burditt and a couple other friends driving back to Huntsville after a football game in Beaumont, singing (off key of course but you couldn’t tell us nothing) like we were Whitney’s backup singers.

When the station switches to the Blues Cruise I get that little cat ate the canary grin because I can’t help but remember hittin the juke joints all up and down OST in Houston.  Quit acting like ya’ll don’t know what I am talking about…Honey for the Bees, the Speak Easy, and the Turning Point which is still there. This was back when happy hour was 2 for 1 and the Speak Easy had 50 cent drinks on Thursdays.  I’ll never forget going to a hole in the wall in Galveston with Stephanie Young and a woman of the night (I am being politically correct as to not offend anyone) thought we were taking over her spot and was ready to fight us. I think the person that introduced me to the juke joint experience was Anita Hopkins when she took me to Crockett, Texas for a visit. I was hooked, down home folks and good music, how can you go wrong?

So as we sit here around the Denner table listening Earth-Wind-Fire comes on and we all start to sway to the music, a faraway look in all our eyes and a slow smile creeps onto our faces….none of us says a word as we are lost in our memories. Yes they do light the corners of our mind! So before I go here’s one of my all time old school faves…till next time.

Friends…How many of us have them? Friends..one’s we can depend on?

I choose the Whodini song as the title of my blog this week because friendship is important to me and instances such as what I decided to blog about makes that song appropriate.

Last Monday I came home from work and decided to eat some leftover something. I was tired and ready to call it an early night. Throughout the evening I kept feeling this horrible pain in my tummy and I kept thinking why is this gas not going anywhere. I drank two warm sodas, ate 2 teaspoons of mustard, did the baking soda trick and whatever other home remedy usually works but they all failed.  After slowing my mind down and trying to unwind did I finally realize the pain was increasing not decreasing. I finally said to myself,” Self, get thee to an emergency room, hopefully with nice looking doctors”.  I didn’t want to look a hot mess or like I had been at Walmart so I brushed my teeth, put on a bra, grabbed the phone charger and drove myself to the 24 hour ER.

Now all of us women have wanted a man to rescue us at some time in our lives, my time came Monday night. I drove into the parking lot and just as I attempted to get out of the car a pain tore thru my stomach and I fell to the ground. The deputy who was working security came running over and asked if I was ok and did I need help. Which made me wonder if maybe he was blind or something? Stevie Wonder could even see that usually people don’t fall to the ground crying and grasping their tummy unless something is wrong, but then again it might have been his first night on the job and he just didn’t know what to expect. He helped me up, took me inside and since I was the only patient there he got to practice his handwriting skills as he filled out papers for me, his interpreting skills as he had to figure out what I was saying between the hurt pangs and his wheelchair driving skills as he pushed me from waiting room to X-ray room. Which brings me to paperwork in the ER..I looked back over the paper work and several pages were the same thing. Whatever happened to that blue paper we used when we needed to make copies? Does someone need to re-invent that? It would save time and the copier. Why do I have to put the date on the papers? People in horrible pain can barely remember their name or birthdate so shouldn’t there be a stamp with the days date? Whoever came up with all this paperwork stuff obviously has never been to the ER during an emergency.

I am trying to make this story into the Reader’s Digest version instead of a novel so I ended up having to undergo emergency surgery. I was unprepared and worried about all kinds of things such as the dog, my classes I teach, and more importantly my job that I had just started the beginning of April. But it is moments like these that friends, true and real friends, are there for you. Those that let the dog out on a daily basis, came to the hospital, made sure I had a ride home, made sure I had the right foods to eat, prayed for me, texted or called me.

The topic tonight around the Denner table was friendship not just any friendship but those that are genuine and heartfelt. The ones that are valuable and mean so much, whether they have been cultivated over time or just in the past months.

Change can be a 6 letter encouraging word!

I grew up listening to people say that things happen in your life where you have to make a change. I never quite knew what they meant till I became an adult.  I went away to college so I had to make a change mainly it was learning how to wash clothes because my dad has always prided himself on that issue. While growing up that was one chore we kids didn’t do and still to this day thinks he is the master of clothes washing, putting them in the dryer and hanging/folding them after. (Once I had to do it on a regular basis I quickly realized why my mom never challenged him on the title she always praised him about how good the clothes looked..yes Helen Denner wasn’t crazy by any means!)

I had to make a change when I was “forced” to go to work. Yes forced! My dad whispered to me during one of my calls home from college that my mom said I needed to get a job because I was an adult. “A job, what’s a job?” I asked, I had never felt so desperate and confused. Well I take that back I felt like that in my college Algebra class but that’s another topic.  Please note that my dad ‘s exact words were,”your mom”. Whenever mother made a decision about something concerning me that he knew I wasn’t going to like he would say,” your mom said this or that”. I would know then there was no arguing because she would get what we called the Carol Burnet face, her eyes would get huge and her jaw would set. Oops off topic…the change I had to make was to become more responsible. I had to get to work on time, get an apartment, learn to pay my bills, and all that other grown folks stuff. You know the stuff we saw our parents do and we thought it was easy. We thought they were lying to us when they said being an adult was hard. I had to learn a few lessons along the way, such as just because you have checks left doesn’t mean you have money in the bank or parents have the right to ask where is your money when you ask them for a couple of bucks.

Dad told me years ago when I had my first apartment and driving the first car I put a down payment and was paying for, this is part of what being an adult is, you are adapting to the real grown ups world. I remember thinking wow this is easy. I was only 21 did I have a lot more to learn!

I had to make changes the day I learned I was pregnant. The main ones were never to drink gin again because you don’t remember things which results in pregnancy, I wanted to raise a child and not deal with a man who acts like a child and learn to really budget money. I need to add I also had to learn how to change a diaper, which was probably actually most important.  You have to change because a little person is depending on you for everything. I think it hit me when I got home from the hospital as I am rocking Julian in the chair he is looking at me like,” so you’re my mama” and I am looking at him thinking,” Oh my goodness my life has changed”. No more spending my check on shoes, purses and clothes now I had to buy milk, Pampers and shoes for Julian.

You make changes in your life when you outgrow some friendships and make new ones. You make changes when you lose one job and gain another. You make changes when your parents become elderly and you take on the parent role. You make changes in your life when you marry or divorce. You make changes in your life when you wake up and realize that you need to make a particular change. Change is inevitable we can’t always avoid it, sometimes it’s an easy transition and other times we would prefer a root canal with no laughing gas or to walk barefoot on shards of glass instead of making a change. I think about the major changes in my life and the woman I have become because of these changes and I must admit I am pretty proud of myself. I’m not perfect, far from it but I am happy with who I am. In other words, change can be a bad thing but it’s all in how you look at it. Change can be a 6 letter bad word or it can be a 6 letter encouraging word.

Time to clean up the Denner table…till we can all meet around it again.

How I did it my way!

Before you get all excited no this is not about how I achieved world peace or how something along those lines this is even more staggering……how I was able to part with 80 pair of shoes! For shoe lovers like me the struggle is real and I should hear a few amens right about now. A shoe is not just a shoe to us, you just don’t simply go buy a shoe.

You head to the shoe department, I prefer DSW because there is nothing to sidetrack you, nope nothing at all just rows and rows of shoes and you don’t have to wait on a shoe salesperson. You find the shoe you like, so you caress it, fondle it, eye it closely then gently slip it on your foot. You walk up the aisle then back down and then admire it from every angle in the shoe mirror. You think about what you have in the closet that will go precisely with this shoe all the while you look at the sign telling you how much you will save by buying that shoe. That usually seals the deal.

Ok back to getting rid of the shoes, since I know there are some out there waiting for revelation..there eventually comes a time when you must part with the shoes for me it is easier to get rid of a man than a pair of shoes.  So how do I do it?  First I drink a glass of wine and tell myself it is going to happen so suck it up buttercup and let’s go because it’ll only hurt for a second.  Secondly I head into the closet with a purpose and the idea that no shoe is safe, well to clarify, no shoe is safe if I had them 6 months or more. Now the madness starts! I immediately start trying them on and making distinct piles; to keep, not to keep, or a specific names of persons who might like that shoe and the last or “maybe” pile, that must be no more than 5 pairs. It is important to set a limit otherwise you might get weak! The idea is to tell yourself that the shoes are no longer worthy to be in your closet and have more than likely already been replaced by a worthier pair or in some cases will be replaced. Yes you see there is a method to my madness!

I don’t do this as often as I should, simply because this is excruciating work, but mainly because I am not rich enough to buy new shoes every week. Well now that I have let you in on how I did it feel free to try my suggestion but give me credit such as a gift card to DSW.

Last one to finish needs to clear off the Denner table…until next time!

Returning to work mode ain’t easy!

Did you all miss me? I had vowed to post a blog piece at last twice a week HOWEVER that was before I returned to the land of the working folks. I’ve been not working since November 4, 2014, I had written off finding a job in November and December due to the holidays. I started off really well at getting up early because I wanted to stay on a schedule. Well we all know that wasn’t going last long, mainly because the person or persons who are in charge of making up the movie schedules loves airing what happens to be your favorite movies late at night. This is how that always ends up…”I am going to bed early tonight. Oh look Blazing Saddles is on at 10pm, I’ll watch the beginning and when I get too sleepy I’ll turn it off. Oh wow look Scarface comes on at 1230am I haven’t watched it since 3 months ago and it’s on real cable where all the cusswords aren’t bleeped out, I’ll go to bed early tomorrow night.”

Got a little off topic there but anywho..I had to be downtown for training by 8am but we all know Houston traffic and downtown parking is well let’s call it a smaller scaled down version of what hell might be minus the high temperature. SO now instead of lounging in the bed till I decide I want to get up I am up by 515am out by 6am so I can make that early bird parking and save me a couple of bucks. As I drive in the traffic on occasion sitting still for a minute or two it’s nice to look over at the cars on either side of you and see the drivers are yawning and rubbing their eyes too.  Training and orientation is an all week experience where you sign papers, sign more papers, listen to people explain what their department does, followed by breaks, more signing, lunch and a couple of videos. Just a side note here: ever notice how when it’s the human resource departments turn to talk everyone wakes up from the eye open nap to ask questions? The top 3 questions asked are: 1) when is pay day 2) how much vacation/sick  time do we earn 3) when can I use that vacation/sick time.  After the first day I am dragging myself to the car all the while praying I don’t fall asleep behind the wheel. I am in the bed sound asleep by 830pm.

Every morning this week I have asked myself how long does it take to get back into work mode? Is there a time table? No, there isn’t but the 1^st week is in the books and I it didn’t kill me. I am grateful for this new job and excitement about this new chapter in my life that is about to be written and something tells me this is going to be a best seller!

I’m tired folks it’s been a long week I’ll clean the Denner table off in the morning

Who got a job? This girl did!

My unplanned vacation is over! Who got a job? This girl right here got one! I start Monday and now the “I need to find a job” jitters has given way to the “I found a job” jitters.

You are elated at the news that you were chosen among all other candidates for this job and then slowly the panic starts. The questions, thoughts and reminders are running like crazy through your mind:  What does my office look like?  Will I have an office? Remember that business professional and business casual dress is separated only by a pair of heels or a pair of flats. Check your shoes before leaving the restroom to make sure toilet paper hasn’t attached itself for a free ride. Do not bring Chinese leftovers to heat up in the microwave. What if the supply person doesn’t like me? What if they have a cake to welcome me and it’s made of coconut?

I think back to the first day on all my other jobs.  My first job at the prison I was too naïve to even know what I was getting into, heck Ellis 2 didn’t even look like a real prison. I was more worried about getting assigned to third shift where I would miss all the parties and I breathed a huge sigh of relief when I got second shift.  Give me a break people I was 22 year old and my priorities were just a little different!

My first day on the job in becoming a mother was more traumatic and not because I had to have an emergency C-section followed by a session on which end to feed the baby, how to put a diaper on the baby but more important which end to diaper.  Nope it was because all my other jobs had an orientation or training period but motherhood didn’t.

So I prepare myself mentally and physically for my first day on the “newest” job I take what I have learned over the years. First and foremost; make sure the clothes match. Secondly shake hands firmly and maintain eye-contact, repeat the person’s name you are meeting, that means you are making it a point to remember and they are important, even if it is the janitor. Thirdly, take mental notes then jot them down quickly in private, even if you have to excuse yourself and do it in the bathroom. Finally, the first day will be over before you know it and you realize you worried/panicked for nothing because deep down you know you could handle it.

That’s it for tonight at the Denner table because I have to practice going to bed and getting up early.

I’m happy happy happy…most of the time!

I was asked the other day why I am happy all the time. Well first and foremost that person just so happens to run into me when I am happy, which is usually after eating, a nap, on pay day or shoe shopping. But in all seriousness I am happy 98% of the time. I say 98% since every once in awhile someone or something does manage to irritate me but it doesn’t last long.  Why? Because I chose to be happy. I learned long ago that if you allow someone else to control your feelings then they have control of you. Why should I let someone have control over me who wouldn’t want the best of me all the time?

If someone brings that negativity around me I need to move away from them. Isn’t it crazy how quickly negativity can spread, kind of like herpes, but unlike herpes there is a cure. I like waking up in the morning smiling, yes even without a job I can do that, every day above ground is a good day. Yet people still try to bring me down with the reasons such as, you aren’t getting called back is your too old, your too educated, and even one stated that maybe the employer was looking for someone more attractive. And here I thought that it was because I didn’t do a very good Sharon Stone leg crossing imitation taken straight from the Basic Instinct movie.

Now don’t get me wrong I do have my “Oh Lawd, woe is me” moments. However I limit myself to a 15-30 minute crying, screaming, yelling, and questioning why this and that session otherwise known as a pity party. If I don’t want to be the only one at the party I will call one of those good friends who will tell me about myself and snap me back to reality if they feel the party has gone on a little bit longer than it should.  Like that the party is over and I need to move on…besides I don’t like that frustrated, angry and upset feeling, it’s like me wearing a pair of daisy dukes and heels, it’s just not me and it’s not a pretty sight. I like that happy feeling, the way you feel when it’s raining outside on a Saturday, you can stay in your pjs and not have to go anywhere because you went to the grocery store the day before and your fave movies are all on day!

This was the convo at the Denner table tonight…see you all again soon!